The problem is not the fact that men are men.
The problem is the traits and behaviors that men think are necessary to prove that they are men.
There is nothing about having male genitalia that requires a person to own a gun, never cry, or refuse to go to the doctor. While the range of acceptable behavior for women has greatly widened in the past couple centuries, the stereotypes and expected roles for men are still extremely narrow. This causes men to go to unhealthy lengths to prove to others they are "real men".
One specific reason that masculinity can become so toxic is that it is hard to prove and easy to lose. Western/American culture has not traditionally had the clear-cut ritual or passage into manhood that other cultures do, making masculinity extremely hard to attain.
“Becoming a man” is not as simple as winning one fight, driving a truck, or having sex with a woman. Manhood must be constantly proven, on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. The pressure to uphold one’s reputation as a man never ends. This can lead men to be in a constant state of anxiety over whether or not one’s actions and personality traits are considered “manly” enough (source).
Despite society having made recent advancements in gender equality, boys raised in today’s seemingly progressive world still largely act in line with the old-fashioned expectations of men, whether or not they actually believe them (source). While a woman wearing jean shorts or being a Senator would be considered “normal” nowadays, a man wearing pink jewelry or expressing vulnerable emotions would not be accepted.
Men are afraid of nothing, except being called a girl.
Another reason that masculinity can be so toxic is that is extremely limited. Gender roles and stereotypes are shaped by family, friends, schools, and the media. From a young age, boys are taught what is and is not acceptable for men to do, say, and feel. One of the most common expectations for men is that they are not allowed to do anything "girly". Whether it's wearing certain colors, enjoying to bake, or talking about emotions, men are very restricted.
These limitations can hurt men by discouraging them from seeking help, talking about emotions, or expressing themselves how they choose. This intense pressure from society can have severe and potentially fatal consequences.
One common misconception about issues involving gender equality is that they only affect women. Although women still face many issues in today’s world, men are more narrowly limited in the roles and emotions they are allowed to express. Men are under immense pressure to constantly be tough, stoic, and self-sufficient, which can take a heavy toll on both their physical and mental health. This website will go into detail about the many ways that strict expectations about what it means to be a man can negatively affect men themselves.